I’m in a foul mood. Last week a muscle seized in my shoulder and I was walking around with my head immobile and angled like a zombie. This week, my lower back is excruciating and I can’t sit, or lie down without excruciating pain and I can’t walk upright. I feel like crying, because there is nothing else I can do.
I have had lower back pain on and off since having Caspar but this is the worst and it really worries me because of what my sister has gone through with her ruptured disc and years immobile and surgery which only returned some of her functioning. I don’t want that to happen.
On top of that, I was planning on going to see my doctor tomorrow and now I am in too much pain to go. It is a two hour trip for me and I just can’t do it. I can’t even see a doctor out here because they are either terrible or don’t bulk bill and I don’t have the money to pay for an appointment even if I get most of the fee refunded by Medicare.
It just plain sucks and I’m just plain miserable.
Right now, I even hate my blog. I hate everything. I’m sick of everything. I just want everything to go away. I already had limited resources to cope with the simplest tasks, like doing the dishes or having a shower. Now I have nothing. Just a pain in my back. I can’t even twist to wipe my ass when I go to the toilet.
Seriously? Is this exactly what I needed right now? To feel even less capable and less functional.
I hate everything. I just want to give up.
Hope you’re feeling better soon
[...] I shouldn’t be sitting at this chair, and I hate my blog. In fact, right now, I am finding it as excruciating as my back. Instead of feeling like this is a place to clear out all the negative junk in my head, I have [...]