Nov 25
Men in white ribbons…
Today, November 25, was the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women. In Australia, it is also White Ribbon Day.
The White Ribbon Campaign was started by a handful of Canadian men in 1991 on the second anniversary of the École Polytechnique Massacre in Montreal, during which 14 women were killed by a lone gunman, claiming to be “fighting feminism”. The ribbon was their pledge to never commit, condone or remain silent about violence against women and girls.
It is now an international movement.
I can’t overstate how grateful I am to those men who take a stand on violence. I may offend some people by saying this, but I truly believe women’s safety in our communities is dependent on men. There is a limit to what women alone can do to effect change in public attitudes.
Violence against women will only cease when men join with women to put an end to it.The positive roles men can play.
It’s not that long since I wrote the poem It’s all in the pitch, bitch. I don’t know that I communicated very well what I was trying to say then but I think it is true that…
Women talk
But men hear
Men’s voices
Like dogs
At the time, I was asking men to speak up, instead of letting things passed, instead of laughing it off when they know something isn’t funny. Today, I’m saying thank you to all those men who do speak up. There are a lot of you, but not yet enough.
It is difficult for a woman to speak in a society that tells her she can’t take a joke. It is difficult for a woman to speak in a society which promulgates the idea that women frequently lie about violence. Only 8% of women subjected to physical violence speak up. And only 4% of women subjected to sexual violence speak up. These are frightening figures and they make it easy for us as a society to believe that the research telling us between 40-57% of Australian women will experience physical or sexual violence in their lifetime cannot possibly be true. Statistics
Sadly, it is true and we need men to speak for us to the men who do not hear us when we speak for ourselves.
I’m proud of my ability to support myself, to grow and learn and achieve. I’m proud of my ability to raise my son alone. But I am not so blinded by pride that I cannot admit how much our men are needed in this fight and I am grateful to every man I know who does not stand idly by.
I can’t help but think right now of the actions Paul de Waard and Brendan Keiler when they rushed to the assistance of a woman in distress in Melbourne’s CBD earlier this year. I cannot help but think what an awful loss to our community Brendan Keiler’s death was, and what an awful consequence for his intervention Paul de Waard is still dealing with. I do not use the word heroic often, but I cannot help but use it to describe these men.
I also use it to describe those actions which seem less dramatic, like telling a sexist co-worker to shut up, or telling your mate he’s an asshole when he feels up a woman in a bar. Every small action and, sadly, every inaction, makes a difference in the fight against violence against women.
To the men who speak up, and to the men who wore white ribbons today, you have my gratitude and respect. Without you, we can only pick up the pieces. With you, we can prevent women from ever being shattered by violence.
Thank you.
November 28th, 2007 at 11:01 pm
Becoming a teacher has been an incredible eye-opener. Although we don’t deal with much physical violence at my school, the emotional abuse of girls is constant (sadly, from girls as well). The things these kids say sometimes just stops me in my tracks. It feels like a constant battle. But, it’s an important battle.
November 28th, 2007 at 11:13 pm
It is certainly all-pervasive. I don’t think any female makes it through life without being sexually harassed. However they deal with it, and whether or not they can handle it, our culture has a long, long way to go.
And yes, girls are awful to girls. And women are awful to women. It is a cultural phenomenon firmly embedded, and suppported by both sexes. Without wanting to seem hysterical, I think it is one area where there is indeed a slippery slope.