Jan 31
One, two, three…
Cas obeys many things. He puts stuff in the bin, he sits down, he turns the telly off. He dances, jumps, spins around, and “goes upside down.”
But he doesn’t “come here”.
While it is very amusing to watch him do the silly things I tell him to, I’m pretty sure that for his safety and well-being “Come here” is important. And to teach him? I’ve found myself saying, One… Two… Three…
This must be one of those subconscious motherese type things because, really, it makes no sense. He just looks at me, his head cocked to one side, and when I hit 3, I go and get him. Surely the only thing that teaches him is that if he doesn’t come to me, I will come to him when I’ve finished counting? Why do I do that?
Then again, why do I now speak in the 3rd person? Why do I speak in a higher pitch? Why do I lapse into Yoda-like grammar? Yup. Motherhood changes you.
Anyway, as I’ve come to understand that 123 is a ridiculous instinct, and possibly counterproductive, I’ve been trying to figure out how to teach him to come when I call. My solution isn’t highbrow, but if it’s okay for domestic pets it should be okay for kids, right?
My solution is treats. More specifically, chocolate freckles.
Like I said, its kind of low. But it seems to be working.
February 1st, 2008 at 1:14 am
My daycare workers swear by calling the full names of children in low tones of voices. They swear it works.
My daughter is 4 but we do the 1,2,3 and if she doesn’t come, I go get her and put her in time out.
February 1st, 2008 at 9:20 am
Yes, a tricky one. How to not have it be a game he plays with you? I’m a great believer in doing what works – but what if one day chocolate stops working? Or doesn’t work fast enough? On the other hand, in a real emergency (a) the urgency of your voice would get the message across and he’d probably respond without stopping to think (b) if at all possible you’d be running to grab him anyhow, even whilst yelling, “COME HERE CAS!”.
As soon as he’s old enough, of course, explain why it’s important. Which may be already, because he’s obviously a bright child. But then, most times it won’t be an emergency - and hopefully never. This bright child will soon figure that out, unfortunately.
Speaking of pets, the worst way to punish a dog is withdraw one’s company and affection. But you don’t want to do that to a small child! Still, an immediate frown or angry tone of voice might do it. Or Enola’s “time out” idea. (Enola, is it working?)
It’s so long ago I can’t even remember what I did! But I was not a copybook mother anyway. The trouble is, there still aren’t really any instruction manuals and we all have to make it up as we go along, gritting our teeth, praying, and hoping for the best.
My kids grew to manhood. At times I wasn’t sure they would. They also survived my lapses into things like counting and baby talk!
February 1st, 2008 at 10:40 am
Big believer in the time outs. When Cas had a short phase of hitting me, I did that and after only 2 time outs he stopped almost altogether, and on the rare occasion he is frustrated, me telling him to stop now works.
I’ve only done the chocolate trick three times, and in fact it worked best when I asked if he would like a chocolate and he headed straight to the cupboard but I told him to come back to me so he returned and waited while I went to get the chocolate. He’s a pretty quick learner.
I’m not much of a copybook parent either. All kids are different, and I trust my mother’s instincts. I know him. And that’s enough. There is simply no perfect way to teach your children, in my opinion. You’ve just got to love them and treat their personalities with respect and do what you think is best. And trust that they will make it to adulthood in one piece.
I think at the moment he’s having some hearing problems again, (that’s my mother instincts as well) which doesn’t help him to register the tone of my voice. I need to set up another audiology appointment and have it checked out.
February 1st, 2008 at 4:51 pm
Hi there
I’m Alison and new to the whole blog thing - I found a link to your site somewhere out there (it’s a big world when you’re new to it!). I’m not sure of the response etiquette but thought I’d jump in anyway.
I’m a solo mum and have two 3yo’s and a 2yo - Stopping and coming to me when they’re asked is probably one of THE most important rules for us (3 on 1 is an incredibly unfair advantage!). I’ve explained to them that it’s important because it keeps them safe and that the consequences of not listening is not going out to fun places. They seemed to understand, although I’m sure they were just pretending to care.
What worked best for us was also pet related. The girls love giving our dogs commands (they are control freaks, like me) so we went to the park and I got them to ‘help’ teach the dogs to “stop” and “come” by showing them how well they listen. Making a fun game out of it and also giving them the responsibility of ‘teaching’ seems to work well for us. That and consequences if they do the wrong thing.
If chocolate freckles work, I’d go with it. You get the response you want and he gets a freckle - Win, win!
February 2nd, 2008 at 1:29 am
Time outs work great here. I did try spanking once on a VERY serious offense and it didn’t work at all. She laughed at me. Time outs though work with her - she doesn’t like them. I think it is important to find out what works with each child’s personality. I make my daughters sit on her rug in the middle of her room (in our old house, it was at the end of the hallway).
Like Allison said, the pet relation worked well too. We’d make a game. When outside, I’d tell her “green light Go” and she would start running or walking fast. Then I said “red light STOP” and she was to freeze. Now she knows if I say “(her name) Red light” she is to stop and freeze. Works well in public.
February 2nd, 2008 at 11:11 am
Hi Alison and Welcome! I think all bloggers love comments so diving right it is the nicest thing you can do. I can’t imagine having 3 children to take care of. You really must have your hands full. And I imagine being a bit of a control freak helps.
I love the pet training. It sounds like so much fun as well as being useful. I only have a cat here, but that has been helpful too. “Gentle,” is something Cas learned very early, before he even crawled and now he knows to be gentle with many things, including me. It is especially cute when he gently strokes all the plants in the garden instead of tearing the foliage. Patting the plants is one of his favourite things to do.
Enola, I think timeouts will be the method of choice around here. he seems to respond well to it the couple of times it’s been done. Well, not well, because he doesn’t like it. But I guess that’s the point. before his surgery at 9 months, when he couldn’t hear, I used to tap him on the back of his hand with my finger because I couldn’t get his attention when he was doing dangerous things like getting to close to the heater and he couldn’t understand the tone of my voice. But even that level of “physical” response was very uncomfortable for me.
making a game of things is a good way to teach him, I think. I shall give your red ligh / green light a go. thanks.