Mar 13
I am so totally sexist…
I’m trying to put my finger on it.
I was disappointed to find that both my subjects’ tutorials this semester are being led by female academics. What is that about? I’d love to be a female academic myself, so why do I think I’m somehow getting less out of them? To a certain extent, perhaps it has more to do with who I relate to rather than stereotypes. Then again, just saying “who I relate to” in such a way (ie; meaning males) is stereotyping. Isn’t it?
Can some of it be excused by personal experience? I prefer male doctors, for example. My experience with female doctors have been that they are either to emo or in-my-face or trying-to-connect when all I want is bald science, or too snarky or chip-on-their-shoulder or sour. Now those are some awfully destructive, endemic stereotypes. Perhaps they really were like that, but perhaps my perceptions were influenced by the culture I am surrounded by.
My current doctor, incidentally, is female and I really like her. She’s Chinese. Does her different background effect the way she relates, or do I relate to her differently? (That’s an even more concerning question!)
I have similar “experiences’ with females in wide range of roles. Even traditionally “female” roles. Like nurses. I loathe most nurses with a passion.
And even just generally, I prefer the company of men. With the exception of my blogging pals, I have few female friends. Occasionally, I love a “girly” get together - I’m a fairly girly girl and I have 7 pairs of pink shoes - but too much female company and I begin to dislike my own sex. I can only take so much.
In part, I think it is because I have a “masculine” mind and, statistically, more males than females think and interact the way I do. (Yes, I do think that there are statistically significant differences between the sexes, even though that tells us nothing about any single individual.) I have a sneaking suspicion, though, that I also like to be not so much one-of-the-boys, but the woman who runs with them. Because I “fit” very well, but I also have a point of difference and therefore get special treatment. That’s not a very admirable reason for what is essentially prejudice.
Or is it prejudice? Where is the line between prejudice and preference?
There is no self-loathing in play here. I share the “flaws” of my sex which irritate me in other women and I have no desire to be other than what I am. My “femaleness” informs everything I do and think. I experience the world through my female body. It generates meaning. I find it valuable.
Perhaps it is the complementary nature of “sex” differences which attracts me to the company of men. There are characteristics I admire which I find more frequently in males than I do in females and don’t think that is uncommon. (This applies in reverse as well: There are many men who prefer the company of women.) Still, I find it problematic.
Because I’m a feminist.
I’m not a “feminist, but…”: I’m 100% pure, unadulterated. So how does that compute with my “sexism”? How do I resolve those two leanings? My feminism is obviously not a female bias. It is a combination of broader principles and my female experience.
I think this post is opening a very large can of philosophical worms. I think I need to define my feminism again. It isn’t something I have intellectually considered for a long time. Is it a label that I have worn for so many years that it is no longer meaningful?
It’s time to make this area of my social conscience conscious once more.
March 14th, 2008 at 1:11 am
Great questions, philosophy is working already. I have always blamed my enjoyment of hanging out with blokes on growing up with four brothers, reading your post though I am having to question myself as well. Sometimes I think it’s just simpler to be with men, they are less critical and more appreciative. I notice I pay more attention to my dress if I am surrounded by women, men’s needs are quite simple. When I phone organisations such as ATO, CSA, banks, centrelink, I confess I always hope I will get a male.
March 14th, 2008 at 2:09 am
This doesn’t have to be hard: obviously you’re a post-feminist. What’s a post-feminist? Er … it’s what you are … OK, it’s harder than I thought.
March 14th, 2008 at 10:53 am
“I have a sneaking suspicion, though, that I also like to be not so much one-of-the-boys, but the woman who runs with them. Because I “fit” very well, but I also have a point of difference and therefore get special treatment.”
This is me. lol
I think feminism means many different things to many different people and is always subjective to our own particular experience and thinking.
Enjoy bring consciousness to that area of your social conscience again!
March 14th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
I remember doing a hospitality course and the teacher said, as a generalisation, ‘In hospitality, women are better at managing, men are better at doing.’ Men make better waiters. This made me notice that we are good at different things. In my experience so far, allowing for plenty of exceptions, women are better at blogging. If you are a ‘Biggest Loser’ addict like me, you’ve probably noticed that men make better fitness trainers. They can be pushy and supportive at the same time.
On the other hand, I remember when Jana Wendt started as a newsreader. Didn’t seem quite right having a woman doing it. But now you can tell that that was only a matter of what we were used to because now women seem to be the preferred option. For me, anyway.
March 15th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
[The artist formerly known as SnakyPoet.]
Feminism means ‘advocacy of equal rights and opportunities for women, esp. the extension of their actiuvirties in social and poolitical life.’ (Maq
March 15th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
[The artist formerly known as SnakyPoet.]
Feminism means:
‘The doctrine advocating that social and political rights of women be equal to those possessed by men; a movement to acquire such rights’ (Webster).
‘advocacy of equal rights and opportunities for women, esp. the extension of their activities in social and political life’ (Maquarie).
There’s nothing there that says you can’t like hanging out with blokes! Lady, whatever turns you on, lol.
I too am 100% feminist and definitely not ‘a feminist but’. I happen to think there’s a lot of nonsense talked about feminism, and if anyone says ‘feminist but’ they probably haven’t read the dictionary meaning. As my late friend the poet Barbara Giles said, when she was already an old lady and was asked if she was a feminist, ‘Every intelligent woman is a feminist.’
At the same time, I don’t like having to toe any party lines! If some other feminist, or anyone else for that matter, tells me I’m not one because I enjoy the company of men and even (horrors!) like being admired by them BECAUSE I’m a woman – well, my reply is liable to be unprintable. In the old militant days, there were even those who would tell us what we should and shouldn’t use as topics for poetry! That ain’t freedom.
March 18th, 2008 at 11:36 am
Growing up, I always prefered male company to female. It has only been over the last 5 years ish, that I have come to embrace and enjoy the warmth and sisterhood that interacting with fellow women can bring.
March 18th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
Hmm…. funny how you blogged about this. This very subject came up in therapy today. Hmmmmm…
When I was younger I mostly hung out with guys but now I mostly hang out with women. I prefer to hang out with girls now, guys annoy me…how sad is that? But also, when it comes to doctors I WILL NOT see a female doctor. My therapist is male. I wouldn’t for one second sit in front of a female therapist nor go to a female gyn or dentist, etc. Won’t happen, can’t do it! But when it comes to friends I prefer my own sex. When it comes to authority I can’t stand women.. now there is a serious division huh? Girls are okay to hang with but don’t try and yield any authority over me cause it gets ugly with transference issues.
I could go on and on…..
Austin
March 19th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
If ‘feminism’ means equality for women and men, then doesn’t that mean you are equally able to dislike them? lol.
Your post describes a preference for particular qualities in people. The notion that these are found more commonly in males may be true in your experience. It may be stereotypical to other. But I don’t think it’s sexist.
Kudos to you for asking the question.
Alison
March 21st, 2008 at 10:34 pm
I think I understand what you are saying. Other women usually get on my nerves, yet I am proud to be a woman.
I just don’t like hanging out with other women!
March 23rd, 2008 at 5:50 am
I don’t think you’re blurring any lines between preference and prejudice here. It’s a generalization but largely true that men are more logic driven and women more emotion driven. If you happen to be a more logic driven woman (which the very title of your blog suggests!) then you’re more likely to relate to other logic driven beings. I’m emotion driven to the core. When it comes to my personal life, I need other women to relate to. Professionally, though…I much prefer to deal with men.
March 26th, 2008 at 1:06 am
Sorry I’ve been so slow in responding. There’s so much to mull over here that I think I’ll have to write another post.
@ Joh - I didn’t have 4 brothers, so I don’t have that excuse.
The “simpleness” of men is a thing for me too. I find them more relaxing. Although I think in part that is because I imbue their behaviour with qualities they don’t necessarily have. Oh, and the philosophy is working in overdrive. If only my brain was moving slowly enough to write it all down!
@ Brett - I think that made me wet my pants. You’re funny. And I don’t mean that in a sarcastic way. Why do simple compliments always come across as sarcastic on screen?
@ Bettina - I agree that the definitions are very subjective. “Feminism” isn’t just one way of thinking. Which is why i find the Feminist Buts somewhat illogical.
@ Rosemary - I think i just agreed with you in my response to Bettina. And I agree with Barbara Giles too. I’ve had some run-ins with “party-line” feminists myself and have always found them to be intellectually-bankrupted by their ideology and actually more harmfully hateful toward women that misogynists. Luckily, they aren’t a huge portion of the population. Although their idiocy sometimes gets more attention than people who use their common sense.
@ Widdle Shamrock. - I think that’s proabably a pretty comment pattern. I guess as we change, our social needs change. I probably had more female friends growing up myself, simply because that was the way things worked. As an adult, I have more control over my social circles and I still find that men meet more of my social needs. The fact that I’m single could be a part of that.
@ Austin - I think maybe that preferring male authority figures over female ones isn’t because we’re “victims” of a patriarchical society. And regardless of the roles either sex plays in each of our lives, it seems like in general, the different sexes are better at meeting different needs. And the fact that individually, which sex meets which needs varies greatly (heaps of women prefer female doctors) makes it seem like there is a natural balance there anyway.
@ Alison - Lol.
And you summed it up very well. The line between personal experience and stereotypes is difficult, I think. I guess I find it especially so because even if I simply limit myself to personal experience, other people perceiving it that way isn’t guaranteed. I think words have power so treading that thin line comes with a great responsibility, imo.
@ NZT - Yup. And that’s pretty much me. Kind of funny, really.
@ Kim - Well, I think I’m a logic driven being. I could be deluding myself. But again, you’re own preferences highlight different sexes meeting different needs. it’s very interesting.
Thank you all for your comments! Hopefully I’ll have time to write more soon.
April 11th, 2008 at 1:27 am
Hi there, sorry I haven’t commented, or even blogged much, for months and months. On the above subject, I wouldn’t beat myself up about it if I were you. I’ve had a number of doctors, male and female, and I’ve always felt more comfortable with the female ones. Why? There was probably some kind of sexual element, even though I wasn’t attracted to them [well, there was one…]. Generally, though they seemed to combine professionalism with a kind of warmth, and a greater willingness to share their knowledge and their speculations. I suspect that both male and female professionals act differently, in a very subtle way, to clients of the opposite sex as opposed to those of the same sex.
It’s a fascinating and complicated issue, very difficult to measure.
Further complicating it for me is that some years ago I joined an all-male cooking group, somewhat reluctantly. I’d always considered myself a ‘woman’s man’, always told myself I preferred the company of women for both emotional and intellectual sustenance. So imagine my surprise at finding these group cooking and dining and chatting sessions to be stimulating beyond my wildest expectations. Quite apart from them being all highly interesting guys, it was a relief not to have anything sexual going on, either in my imagination or in reality.