Honestly. I’m drawing a blank.
Why is it when I’m away from the blog for a while, I feel like I need to post everyday kind of news and “catch up” rather than just write about something more important or interesting to me? There are many things I’ve been thinking about lately - you know, the meaning of life and all that - but I feel like I need to ease back in. Perhaps it has something to do with connection and relating. Because most often it is those we share the mundane parts of our lives with who matter the most, and it is the people we share that with who care about our more difficult thoughts.
Isn’t it? Maybe. I really have no idea.
The problem is… I am terrible at small talk. The fact that I call it small talk is a probably a problem in itself. I don’t have any idea what to say. Nothing seems pressing enough for words and when time has lapsed, “catching up” is a strain. For me, anyway.
I have friends who can draw out the minutiae of life from the postman. Friends who remember little things and make them significant. Who make the minutiae of other people’s lives significant. It’s a social skill I admire and one I lack entirely. In some ways, this is probably due to a certain kind of selfishness or vanity or… whatever. I guess it’s that artistic arrogance I talked about once. I would probably feel worse about it if my own lack of social skill wasn’t balanced by a lack of expectation of it in others.
I’ve never minded if people don’t call me regularly or remember my birthday. Hell, I’d forget my own birthday if other people didn’t remind me. Half the time I couldn’t tell you what month it is. But everyone has their limits, I guess, and there are friends who have gone MIA when I’ve forgotten the way this social stuff works. Friends who have minded when I haven’t called.
My guess is that a blog is kind of the same. That readers are the same as friends, and some people’s ropes are longer than other’s.
Right now, in real life, I probably have some repair work to do on a couple of relationships that I do value because I have been MIA myself for a long time. There are calls to make and questions to ask. And I’m terrible at asking other people questions about their lives. Mostly, I just appear unexpectedly and assume that things will be the same. That isn’t always the case.
But I also have friends who know exactly how selfish useless I am and love me anyway so I guess it is all okay.
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