Jan 16 2008

Early Call: Knit for charity…

Tag: Opinioncerebralmum @ 7:42 pm

Quite a while ago now I mentioned that I was working on setting up a new charity. We’ve just got the domain name sorted out and hopefully it won’t be long before I’ve got the site up and running. In the meantime, I’m going to tell you a little bit about it and ask anyone who is interested to start knitting.

As you know, my mother was working in Afghanistan recently as a teacher. Things are hard there with the war/occupation/whatever you want to call it. Things are harder in winter. While Afghanistan is an arid country where summer temperatures of 45-50c are not uncommon, in winter it is a very cold. In Kabul the snow can lie for 2 or 3 months and in some places it lasts beyond the vernal equinox. Temperatures of around -24c are the norm. The people there need warm clothes and too many do not have them.

The following letter was written by one of my mother’s students from Kabul.

Now, one can see only the sparkling white mattress laid everywhere. This joyful sight is not long lasting and is suddenly shattered when one thinks of the hundreds of thousands of families who can’t afford to buy fuel for heating.

One starts to abhor snow when one sees child peddlers or beggars running after cars, attempting to persuade those inside to buy their goods or give them some money. It is painful to see women in wet burkhas following cars and begging. One hears stories about families who sleep to cope with starvation, and yet cannot sleep because of the cold.

Children are stood in traffic, hands pulled into their sleeves as an alternative fashion to gloves, their sleeves white with snow. They run, many of them, after cars. Their faces appear at half misty windows, shuddering and begging, Khyrat Bedeh, their breath frozen on their lips. Their eyes tell the tale; they have not had breakfast; their skinny faces show clearly that they have had no food for an unknown period. Their torn jackets complain; they cannot protect them from the snow and cruel cold. Snow falls constantly and covers their hair, then slowly dissolves, changes to drops and slides down, freezing again before they hit the ground.

Some people think of snow as an elixir that helps them triumph over the fear of drought, but snow, for all its beauty, makes some people cry. Cry for a father whose children cry for food and a little warmth. Cry for a mother who begs out in the cold to bring food to her children, while her children cry at home for their mother to be with them. Cry for a mother who squeezes her tiny baby under her jacket to keep him warm, but can’t do anything to feed him. She, herself has not eaten enough, how can she feed her baby?

I can’t cry anymore. Help me cry for a family who live not in a protective shelter, but a tent with many holes in it, camped on a wet piece of ground, crying for enough food and dreaming of a little warmth.

Yes, these parents dream too. They are ordinary people and dream as we do. However, we have much more and dream of a better tomorrow. They dream for today. They dream of bread for their children. They dream of a time when their children are not hungry, and are warm. They dream of a time when they can look at each other knowing their children are satisfied.

It is some time since I first read this letter but reading it again today, it still makes me weep. The charity we are setting up does not require anyone to contribute money, but for those who have the time and would like to help, we are asking you to knit. Socks, beanies, scarves, jumpers, anything… Everything is needed.

At this stage, the items will need to be posted to an address here in Melbourne but we are in the process of organising a collection point in London as well, and hope to set up more collection points in the future. We have arranged for all the garments to be distributed in Afghanistan by Save The Children.

When the site is running, there will be more details available but if you are willing and able to help, please start knitting now. This winter has already descended. We are really hoping to be able to make the next one different for a lot of people.

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Jan 02 2008

Disorderly conduct…

Tag: Saffron noodlescerebralmum @ 9:15 pm

I’m a little bit bombarded. There seems too much going on at once and although in the workplace I’m a thoroughly organised person, the rest of my life has always been chaotic. Maybe I should start reading Zen Habits. I need the same common sense advice pounded into my brain over and over again.

  • In the kitchen, every single dish I own is piled up around the sink and covering the benches. (Muy hygenic!)
  • In my bedroom, every single piece of clothing I haven’t packed away yet is strewn across the floor. (This doesn’t even make sense because most of them remain a little snug since having Caspar.)
  • On my computer desktop, there are more files than can actually fit on the screen.(I have since dumped them randomly into yet another to-be-sorted folder.)
  • I have a list of to-dos about a mile long. (Or I think it is. One of those to-dos is to actually write a to-do list.)

And even here there are a few things not functioning the way they should. It’s not an entirely peaceful place to write.

Add to that the boxes all around the house that keep getting reopened and repacked and the pile of papers which, if they could be stacked, would be as tall as me. (What’s that you say? Matches?)

I’m a bit of a shocker at throwing things away. Having worked as an archivist, I like to archive things. And that would be fine, if what once were systems hadn’t gone to hell in a handbasket and I was the archivist in life that I am when something actually restrains me and makes me do things. (Like a paycheck.) There is something to be said for working for The Man.

I need a good, hard talking to. I always have. I’m sure my mother gave one to me time and time again as I was growing up. It’s a wonder she’s not now a shadow of herself, pale, and defeated by her inability to make me register the sense of what she was saying.

My skull is thick. The power of my deafness is awe-inspiring. Nothing has changed since I was a child even though, in primary school, my Opa sent me “A Round Tuit”.

I still never get around to it.

Discipline. I need discipline. It would be nice if I could blame the lack of it in me on my mother but I’m afraid I know very well where the blame lies. I am easily distracted. I have grand ideas but my impetus stops at the idea as though someone else would be there to implement it. I move on to the next one too soon and hence…

My ducks do not swim in a row.

There is too much to understand, too many things to do, too much I want to give, too much time that I want to take.

“Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world…”
W.B. Yeats

Leaving aside the objectional usage of the word anarchy in that poem, I’m sure there is a reason these lines came into my head right now. Because I am standing amidst the ruins. Because I am not centred. I rebel at the notion that I need to be but, in truth, I need to be.

I need to be dogged, to sustain my efforts, to take on only what I can manage. And then manage it. There are no good fairies to complete my works; I am not Psyche and there are no ants to sort through all the grains of my life.

I need to change this.

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Dec 07 2007

Your signature…

Tag: Opinioncerebralmum @ 12:00 pm

I don’t normally post videos but this is extraordinarily powerful. Think about it.

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Nov 30 2007

Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse - November Edition

Tag: Saffron noodlescerebralmum @ 12:00 pm

Welcome to the November Edition of the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. This being the month of Thanskgiving the theme was Gratitude. So let’s begin with that…

Gratitude

April Optimist from The Thriver’s Toolbox writes about the way in which gratitude worries her in Gratitude and Survivors, grappling with “the issue of how to balance profound gratitude for all that is good in my life and still seeing ways I might want to make it better”.

Over at Survivors Can Thrive!, Marj aka Thriver discusses Gratitude & Beauty, exploring her mixed emotions about the holiday season before expressing the thing she is truly grateful for: “The beauty inherent in each survivor.” She includes, by way of thanks, her poem, Your Beauty.

Advocacy & Awareness

Barry Pittard from Call For Media and Government Investigation gives us 2 posts, both in relation to Sai Baba. In Abuse. Some Reach Out. Many Suffer in Silence he answers the question, “Why are they not standing up for themselves?” and in Hazards For Abuse Survivors Both Timid and Bold he looks at the reasons why “even those few ready to go public can often be in no position to litigate”, examining some of the relevant case histories.

Support I-VAWA logoMarcella Chester at abyss2hope: A rape survivor’s zigzag journey into the open has written in support of the I-VAWA, Support International Violence Against Women Act. She provides some information on the legislation and discusses in detail the double standard prevalent in our society. “To be truly effective at crime prevention, the “Don’t …” statements need to be aimed at those who inflict violence and those who are tempted to do so. Rather than limiting the options of women in the name of crime prevention, their options need to be widened.” The code for the graphic is available in the post.

Megan Bayliss from Imaginif child protection became serious business responds to a meme and tells us all about the purpose and function of her blog in What’s a blog got to do with child protection? Me me Megan Bayliss. She tells us who her true mentors are, “those millions of bloggers affected by child abuse”, and thanks them. She reminds us that “Child protection is a bit like butter is to bread - hard to spread sometimes. But, the longer it’s out, the easier it gets.”

Risingrainbow from My Clouds, My Storms and Multiple Personality Disorder gives us Human Nature with All It’s Twists and Turns, exploring the idea of the human conscience and how it can be manipulated and broken, especially in children. So broken, in fact, that it can lead to Dissociative Identity Disorder. It is the first of a four part series which goes on to tackle responsibility and culpability. “Human nature as it is means there is a bit of “bad” in all of us.”

Healing & Therapy

April Optimist at The Thriver’s Toolbox thinks about all the steps it took to get her current place in life in Post Thanksgiving, knowing that when she faces today’s challenges, she can remind herself how far she’s come. “We get to choose. And as scary as that can sometimes be, it’s good, too.”

Jumping In Puddles at Lifes Spacings writes Old Learning To New about “the price of living as a multiple… as well the price of living in the extreme pain of trauma that is in the process of healing,” but also about all they are learning now: Learning to play, learning to cry, learning to touch and learning to say, No.

Keepers over at KeepersKorner took a giant leap forward and in Moving from Reliving to Simply Remembering describes an incident which would normally have triggered an abreaction. An overheard conversation some time earlier made them stop and think and now, more than ever before, they are considering themselves true survivors.

Poetry

At Ria Ludy’s blog, Fantasy or Ria Ludy?, you’ll find Only If YOU Believe in Me? railing against old ideas of worthiness and validation.

At My Dissonance, Ani Star contributes Restless, the first line of which is, “This mistaken refuge…” (The poetry is in PDF format and require an Adobe reader.)

Survivor Stories

New blogger, Steve Wurzer, presents My First Post, the very first post at Steve’s Recovery blog. About it he says, “This is the beginning of my blog on my own personal story of childhood abuse and recovery. It helps me to post it, and I hope others can be helped by reading.”

In Steve’s second post, Why I am posting this blog - Reason #1, he talks about shame and childhood rage. “I feel that I’m not good enough, like there is something wrong with me that makes me unable to say or express what I really feel or want to say. What seems so easy for many others, is difficult for me, and sometimes completely impossible. This comes from the shame inside of me.”

Before I go, I would just like express my gratitude to those who share their stories, to those who speak up and to those who are willing to listen. I have felt fortunate to be able to read this months contributions and I am honoured to have been able to present them here.

Thank you. All of you.

NB: Next month’s Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse is coming up quickly. Megan at Imaginif is hosting. The carnival will be posted on December 14. If you would like to submit you can use the button below.Blog Carnival Submission Form - Carnival Against Child Abuse

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Nov 25 2007

Men in white ribbons…

Tag: Opinioncerebralmum @ 11:57 pm

White RibbonToday, November 25, was the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women. In Australia, it is also White Ribbon Day.

The White Ribbon Campaign was started by a handful of Canadian men in 1991 on the second anniversary of the École Polytechnique Massacre in Montreal, during which 14 women were killed by a lone gunman, claiming to be “fighting feminism”. The ribbon was their pledge to never commit, condone or remain silent about violence against women and girls.

It is now an international movement.

I can’t overstate how grateful I am to those men who take a stand on violence. I may offend some people by saying this, but I truly believe women’s safety in our communities is dependent on men. There is a limit to what women alone can do to effect change in public attitudes.

Violence against women will only cease when men join with women to put an end to it.The positive roles men can play.

It’s not that long since I wrote the poem It’s all in the pitch, bitch. I don’t know that I communicated very well what I was trying to say then but I think it is true that…

Women talk
But men hear
Men’s voices
Like dogs

At the time, I was asking men to speak up, instead of letting things passed, instead of laughing it off when they know something isn’t funny. Today, I’m saying thank you to all those men who do speak up. There are a lot of you, but not yet enough.

It is difficult for a woman to speak in a society that tells her she can’t take a joke. It is difficult for a woman to speak in a society which promulgates the idea that women frequently lie about violence. Only 8% of women subjected to physical violence speak up. And only 4% of women subjected to sexual violence speak up. These are frightening figures and they make it easy for us as a society to believe that the research telling us between 40-57% of Australian women will experience physical or sexual violence in their lifetime cannot possibly be true. Statistics

Sadly, it is true and we need men to speak for us to the men who do not hear us when we speak for ourselves.

I’m proud of my ability to support myself, to grow and learn and achieve. I’m proud of my ability to raise my son alone. But I am not so blinded by pride that I cannot admit how much our men are needed in this fight and I am grateful to every man I know who does not stand idly by.

I can’t help but think right now of the actions Paul de Waard and Brendan Keiler when they rushed to the assistance of a woman in distress in Melbourne’s CBD earlier this year. I cannot help but think what an awful loss to our community Brendan Keiler’s death was, and what an awful consequence for his intervention Paul de Waard is still dealing with. I do not use the word heroic often, but I cannot help but use it to describe these men.

I also use it to describe those actions which seem less dramatic, like telling a sexist co-worker to shut up, or telling your mate he’s an asshole when he feels up a woman in a bar. Every small action and, sadly, every inaction, makes a difference in the fight against violence against women.

To the men who speak up, and to the men who wore white ribbons today, you have my gratitude and respect. Without you, we can only pick up the pieces. With you, we can prevent women from ever being shattered by violence.

Thank you.

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Nov 10 2007

November Carnival Against Child Abuse

Tag: Administriviacerebralmum @ 7:41 pm

I’ll be hosting The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse this month.

For anyone and everyone who would like to participate, the Carnival will post on Friday, November 30, and submissions are due by Wednesday, November 28. You can go straight to the submission form here.

The November Theme: Gratitude

November is the month of Thanksgiving. While this is not a holiday celebrated everywhere, it does provide an interesting theme for the edition. Interpret it broadly. Perhaps it is about the things you feel thankful for, perhaps it is the things that you don’t. Perhaps it is the ways in which gratitude helps, or perhaps it is the ways in which gratitude is difficult. There are no limits to what you might write and, as usual, submissions not related to the theme are appreciated as much as the ones that are.

As this is the first time I am hosting, I thought it would be good to give a little extra information about the carnival. Anything related to all forms of child abuse is welcome; personal stories, poetry, media analysis, support and recovery information, the aftermath, therapy, child advocacy, and education. You do not need to have been a victim of child abuse in order to participate, although many participants are, because the goal of the carnival is to raise awareness. If you have something you would like to say, please don’t hesitate to take part.

I would also like to say thank to Marj at Survivors Can Thrive for giving me the opportunity to host. And thank you to everyone who contributes to raising awareness of this issue, not just in the carnival, but in life.

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Oct 18 2007

If only vocabulary could feed the world…

Tag: Administriviacerebralmum @ 1:25 am

I’ve been immersing myself in my feedreader this evening and it it now past 1am so I have little to say. Or little time to say it. Take your pick. If you don’t know what to do with your time because of my self-indulgence, go and buy rice with the most priceless commodity on earth: Words.

I have bought hundreds and hundreds of grains of rice. Seriously… hundreds and hundreds! I got up to vocabulary level 48 but upon reading that there are only 50 levels and that hardly anyone gets past 48 I am determined to do better. Pride in abnormality, that’s my motto. Oh, and I get to feed people at the same time as I defend my ego.

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