October 1st, 2008 §
Just because of some recent discussions I’ve had, I’m thinking about these things…
I choose truth over tact.
I choose independence over companionship.
I choose the hare over the tortoise.
I choose the mind over the body.
I choose ideas over people (whom, to be honest, I often understand – and dissect – as ideas).
I choose voice over silence.
I choose change over peace.
I choose comprehension over empathy.
I choose loss over anger.
I choose intent over action.
I choose loyalty over trust.
I choose the sky.
And winter.
Either path is both right and wrong.
I have never believed that you can have, or be, everything.
Related Posts
March 6th, 2008 §
And it will be in 8 minutes. In fact it will be over before I finish this post. I feel a long, long rant coming on about University IT. University bureaucracy? Well, it is what it’s always been and that is fine. I know how to work my way around that and find out what I need to know, when I need to know it. But now they’re all high tech, it’s a monster.
It was bad enough that the other day in the computer lab on campus I had to enter my password at least 8 times within the space of half an hour, all to do the most simple things. Could they not have a system that, you know, functions? Nooooo. You have to sign in for the computer, for the library, for the timetables, for the online studies units, for your enrolments, for your email… And so on and so on.
It. is. totally. fucked.
In better news, I am actually able to do a full time study load this semester. (Did I tell you that already?) I didn’t think that I would be able to, because of time considerations and Cas, but I can do a unit wholly online and I think that rocks. In fact, it’s a course requirement that I complete at least one unit online before I graduate. Just so they know I can use a computer.
So I’m signed up for a 2nd year history subject (I guess IT doesn’t care that I’m a freshman), Great Debates: Unfinished Business of The Past. Woo-hoo! Except…
The software they are using would have to be the most obstructive, inefficient, unintelligent software I have ever seen: Blackboard
It. is. totally. fucked.
It has modules and reading materials and links to other reading materials and it has discussion forums to take the place of tutorials.
Let’s just take a look at the wonderful user interface it has for the “forums”.
To read a post/thread you click. That’s fine. But it then opens up in a fucking popup window. Um, why? Now, I think the popup is senseless enough to call it bad design (and no, you cannot centre or right click to force it to open in a tab instead) but just to make it even more ridiculous, once you have closed the tiny box you have laboriously scrolled though (and no, it does not “remember” that you have adjusted the popup size), the page you are returning to refreshes!
WTF? If you’re going to use a popup or lightbox, isn’t the whole point so that you can view the detail without navigating away from or reloading the main page?
Now, I understand that they want to keep the unread/read up to date. They have, of course, gone about that in an entirely stupid way but perhaps they had good intentions. However, there is a little green star in my sidebar menu (which, incidentally, doesn’t resize or scroll well enough for me to see the full tree-directory) that is supposed to tell me when there is something new to see. And it does. All the time. Even when there is nothing new to see.
Oh, this post could go on and on and on… You get the picture. Just envisage the most basic functions taking a least 4 extra processes to achieve and you’ve got Blackboard.
I’m going to stop, because that is just one microscopic portion of what is wrong with this program and I could write a thesis. But before I do… My favourite fucked function?
There’s a button that says “accessibility”. I thought I’d give that a try, hoping they had something more functional for users with disabilities. Wanna know where that took me? To the Blackboard site and a page that says how considerate they’ve been about colour contrast. In a teeny weeny font.
It. is. totally. Blackboard.
(Btw, I’m going to be managing all my study notes etc on WordPress so my subdomain is now running a separate blog for that, Plato’s Sandbox. If you’re bored…)
Related Posts
March 4th, 2008 §
Some people post about the bigger events in their lives. I rarely seem to be able too. When big things are happening, blogging doesn’t. Which I guess is why I’ve never kept a journal. So Week Zero (O-Week) was last week.
O-Week is “Orientation”. There aren’t any classes: It’s just time to hang out, get used to the campus, sign up for clubs and unions, go to information seminars, change your courses, sort out your books, ID card etc, etc… I only went in on the Monday, because I’ve done this before, right? And 5 hours on public transport is a lot to pay for a sausage sizzle. But I did write some scribbly notes on my home, and here they are…
Late last night… Still not organised. Should I even go to O-Week? There’s a host to meet at 9am for a “challenge”. That means I have to leave home at 6:30am. All my clothes are in the laundry. I have changed my mind 4 times already about whether I’m going to do it all or just go in for a couple of later sessions. Then it’s 2am and I still don’t know what I’m going to do, but I’m finally excited instead of just worrying about being organised.
And then today… I wake up. It’s 8am. I guess that’s my decision made for me. I say to Big Sis, “Nope. Definitely not going.” I look at my O-Week program again and see that the Arts Faculty welcome is at 2pm. I can make that session.
I have the luxury of showering while Big Sis runs around stopping Cas from pushing all the buttons on the television. And the stereo. And the computers. It’s cold. the weather and the only clean items in my closet dictate what I’m going to wear. I still haven’t plucked my eyebrows. I take tweezers with me so i can do it on the train. What’s a few eyebrow hairs between commuters, right?
I finally get there, 2 1/2 hours later, and the weather has changed. I’m wearing a skirt as a top, smock-like over a black turtleneck, and a heavy winter coat. I take the turtle neck off. Still too hot. The coat has to go too, so it’s off to the bathrooms to remove my bra as well. Not exactly perky but a strapless “smock” hides a multitude of things, and at least I’m no longer sweating. I obviously wasn’t organised enough for Melbourne weather.
I have a list. The queue for ID cards is too long. The queue to even get into the bookstore is too long. I buy a latte and hang out watching the band. And then to the lecture hall.
It is far larger than even the largest lecture hall at my old Uni. I take a seat in the centre of the 3rd row. That’s where I always sit at the movies. I ask the girl in front of me if she went to the “challenge” this morning, just so I knew what I had missed out on, but she hadn’t gone either. The girl beside me starts a conversation, an American living in the Halls of Residence for her first Australian semester but planning on moving out once she gets her bearings. She’s lovely. But a photography major, so I’ll probably never see her again…
That’s where my notes leave off, but I did get my ID card and my books. And I was completely spellbound listening to the faculty welcome and all the phenomenal opportunities which are ahead of me if I want them… Internships, study tours and even an overseas semester with, wait for it… The fees covered by HECS! So now I’m dreaming of an extraordinarily cheap semester a Harvard. I just have to take a breath here and savour that thought.
Not only that, I also found out that I could switch to a double degree and get a Bachelor of Arts and Bachelor of Education at the same time in stead of just following my BA with a Dip. Ed. Now that’s a plan!
And not only that, I can factor in a Graduate Certificate of Arts & Social Sciences while still an undergrad as well. I’m not sure yet if I can do all 3, but if I can, I’m sure as hell going to!
By the way, my first actual real lecture was today, and fantastic, but I’m going to have to tell you all about that tomorrow….
Related Posts
January 24th, 2008 §
As I said yesterday, there were tears. And they weren’t because of the frustration of being without my glasses, although that might have contributed to my emotional state; along with the the heat, and the long journey, and Caspar’s boredom.
You see, I’ve already done 5 years of a Bachelor of Arts. Full time. After switching majors, I only had a few subjects left to get all my points and graduate before moving on to a Dip. Ed. Going to a different Uni, with a different course structure, I wasn’t expecting to get everything credited, but I was expecting to be finished pretty quickly. But this Uni has a policy. If it’s over 10 years old, it doesn’t count.
I have to start the whole bloody thing from scratch.
And what was my major? History! Has history changed in 10 years? I don’t think so.
So there I was, frustrated already by the enrolment process which is always an administrative nightmare, and being shuffled around to different buildings and people in order to get the advanced credit sorted out, only to end up with the kind of answer I least wanted to hear.
And there I was, having to look through the course guide and sign up for first year classes I hadn’t even considered. Which I had to do myself. Online. It made me wonder why I had bothered to take a 5 hour trip to enrol. So I could use their computer labs? I have a computer.
But there was a coffee shop and after stripping Caspar off because he had poured his entire bottle of water over himself while I was in the lab, and after a latte and a babycino, the future didn’t look so bleak.
Because I love studying.
Because life doesn’t have a strict timetable.
Because the Uni is situated on a direct tram route from where I most want to live when I get my house sorted out.
Because the campus is really nice and they had a great looking child care centre.
Because I think I’ll now be a little self indulgent and do Philosophy, which my old Uni didn’t have.
So look forward to posts with big, wanky words and big, wanky ideas. And meet the almost 35 year old “Freshman”.
Related Posts
January 23rd, 2008 §
Of course, I couldn’t find that one piece of paper I needed, my old transcripts so I could apply for advanced credit and skip the 2/3rds of the degree I had already done. So I was late.
There was much swearing and agitation until I bit the bullet and called to see if me getting there 2 hours after the allotted time would be a problem. Apparently, it wasn’t. Yay for me. Apparently, it also wasn’t a problem that I didn’t have my transcripts: The enrolment officers could access them on their computers. Yay for me.
The weather, of course, was Melbourne. Biting cold wind with promises of an almost scorching day, so Cas and I left all rugged up, with just enough room in the bottom of the pram to shove all the clothes we would inevitably have to remove.
Prams on trams are not the greatest thing. They’re even worse, when you catch them in the city and they are mostly full. They are even worse when you’re half blind and don’t really have any idea where you are supposed to get off. But the university was large enough for me to see in time. All was well.
Until I got off and realised that to get out of the tram stop in the middle of the road and across to the Uni, I had to go via an underpass, the only access to which was a very steep set of stairs. I guess trams are not designed for prams. Or disabled people.
Anyway, after the gargantuan effort of navigating the stairwell with my heavy load of winter coats and a bored baby, I was actually standing there at the entrance of the university. I was almost a student again! But the campus was large.
And I couldn’t see.
I learned a few things on Tuesday I think. Having that “disability” was disorienting and confusing. It made being somewhere unfamiliar very uncomfortable. I eventually managed to find my way around, and I did ask for help when I needed it, but I noticed when I did how much I “faked” being able to follow where specifically people were pointing. I used to do Adult Literacy tutoring. My students got through their whole lives to that point “faking it”.
It’s not a nice feeling and I wonder what deep recesses of my psyche prevented me from just saying, “I’ve lost my glasses and can’t see very clearly.” Because nodding as though I understood them fully was very much a lie. And I’m not a liar. And I hate the idea of being a liar.
There is no shame in having a minor visual impairment but the only thing I can think of that could motivate that dishonest behaviour is shame. The shame of not being able to manage everything for yourself. But that didn’t seem to fit. I think it was almost an evolutionary, defensive instinct; covering up a weakness.
But it made me uncomfortable when talking to people, and by the time I actually got to processing my enrolment, my eyes were so strained that making eye contact was difficult and I was unable to pick up on the non-verbal cues I am normally sensitive to. I felt disconnected. I felt frustrated. And I even felt angry.
I’ll tell you more about my enrolment tomorrow – and there were tears! – but right now, I’m just thinking back to my students, and wondering how isolated they felt for so many years. And I’m wondering at the bravery it took for them to sign up for classes to learn to read. And I’m wondering how much that early, instinctive pretending got in the way of them receiving the support they deserved as children and young adults. Not just in reading, but in life.
My experience can not in any way compare to anyone’s with a real disability, but I think on enrolment day I had an insight into how it can restrict so much more than just the obvious, mechanical things.
Related Posts
June 20th, 2007 Comments Off
After going through about a gazillion wordpress themes at Theme Viewer and any other place I could find, I’m still trying to figure out what exactly I want this damn site to look like. My original choice was to use J Quindlen’s QGrunge because I really liked the arched layout and the way the header stretched across the full screen while the page content was limited to a width readable on most people’s computers, but using someone else’s theme isn’t very personal (or creative) and after a few misguided attempts to customise it I realised it wasn’t the best place for a beginner to begin.
So I went back to the default Kubrick theme, using an Egon Schiele drawing as a starting point for the new design. After a bit of CSS fiddling and a lot of work in Macromedia Fireworks I got it to look as it does now, still with the arches I liked and a gradient fill across the top to unify the header with various screen sizes. I still haven’t rigged it to work with a single post display, though.
And after all that…
I’m still not happy.
She looks pretty, doesn’t she?
But now I’m thinking that I should strip back the layout and lose the arches so that one header works with everything. And the content border seems to dominate the actual content. Most blogs I’ve looked at have very zen design and I’m wondering if what I’ve done so far is just overkill. A blog, after all, exists to be read, not just to be looked at. Kind of like me. Should my site be wearing so much eye-liner at her age?
And then there is of course the really big issue, raised at Lorelle on Wordpress (the place to go if you’re starting a blog!) in the article Should You Design Your Own Blog? : What does my design actually tell a visitor about the content? Even if people think it is nice to look at, how can they know that it is something they want to read? In the end, isn’t this just as generic and impersonal as using somebody else’s theme?
Maybe that didn’t matter so much when I first decided to do this, but I have found a couple of other uses for this space apart from just keeping friends and family up to date so I need to get it all together. It would be good to get some outside opinions about this but as I haven’t even told the friends and family yet, let alone getting it listing properly on the search engines, I shall continue to flounder about here (where, using Lorelle’s brilliant guidelines, I think I have already done every single thing wrong) until I feel that it is really ready to go.
But… learning by doing. It always works in the end. That’s why little girls steal their mother’s make-up isn’t it?
Related Posts
