Nov 16
A day to do things…
So, I’ve had a cup of coffee and read my morning feeds and now, just for today, I’m making the rule that I will not come back to the computer at all until Cas is in bed for the evening. It’s sunny out. Today is external work day. I will get some things done. I don’t know how much, but I’ll try to differentiate between the physical exhaustion and the mental exhaustion. That is so much harder than it seems. It is amazing the impact of your psyche on your physiology. I will push through, I will take breaks. But I want one small thing done every hour. And then I shall come back here for my reward.
That is my plan for today. Not for the next week, not for the next month, just for today. Anything else is too much for me to imagine.
November 16th, 2007 at 8:38 am
That is a wonderful plan. Good luck. You can do this.
November 16th, 2007 at 9:51 am
Btw I suppose you have had your iron levels checked? Speaking of phsyical exhaustion. Just a thought.
November 16th, 2007 at 4:18 pm
Well, I made it to 5pm anyway. A quick tea break here, then dinner and bath and play before bed for Cas.
Rosemary, to be honest, I still haven’t got around to having my post-delivery check-up, (now a year overdue) or a colposcopy follow-up which I was due to have but didn’t because I fell pregnant. You see how shocking I am at taking care of the practical things? There could be a little virus slowly mutating its way to cancer, for all I know. You’d think with all the time I spent in hospitals in the last year for Cas I might have got around to a check up for me but… No.
It’s definitely on my list in the next couple of weeks. I’m sure it will be one of the first thing the counsellor asks me to do. So smart, but soooo stoopid, me. As for my iron level, I’m sure it’s appalling. It has been since I was a child and if I ever try to donate blood, they tell me to go see a doctor.
November 16th, 2007 at 7:54 pm
As you have pointed out (almost) mind and body are so intertwined it’s hard to distinguish at times. Hey, what if our distinctions are artificial anyhow? Be that as it may, I have noted that taking care of the physical self does support one in attaining/maintaining psychological wellbeing also. *Reminds self to get to bed at a decent hour tonight, and to have another drink of water right now.*
November 16th, 2007 at 8:41 pm
I used to reward myself for every seemingly small thing I accomplished. That is so important to do. When you’re down the tiniest thing can seem like Mount Everest. Put two or three tiny things together and it can be completely overwhelming. The temptation is then to go back to bed - or curl into a ball in the corner. I did that plenty of times, when it got to be too much.
One day at a time, one foot in front of the other, baby steps, that is how I survived - that is how I crawled my way out of that depression black hole.. As you get help the steps get easier to take.
Could you put music you like on when you’re doing these work days? For me it made all the difference. It was easier to push myself when there was a beat making me move.
Cheers,
Snoskred
November 17th, 2007 at 8:19 am
My whole life seems like Mt Everest right now. I know I need to break it down. If it only effected me, I think it would be easier, but when you’re holding up other peoples lives there just doesn’t seem to be a way to reduce the burden. I wish music helped. It used to help. Now, I just can’t connect to it and often it irritates me.
I guess I’m just back to that old cry… all I want is A Room Of My Own…
November 18th, 2007 at 10:16 am
When I felt this way, planning for the next three hours was the best I could do. In retrospect, I was grateful that my kids’ schedules made me function, no matter how I felt. But I certainly relate to your life feeling like Mt. Everest.